Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to let us fall apart emotionally and cry or whatever it takes to get the pent-up emotions/stress out! This past week I have refused to let my emotions rule my moods/behaviors/choices but I can tell they are all bottled up and need to get out soon!
I have not been having normal rest at night, I can feel my digestive/intestinal track is not functioning properly and I have been having a few headaches and I can feel tightness in my jaw. This weekend I am going to try a combination of extra exercise and allowing my emotions to come to the surface and cry over spilled milk even!
I had a wonderful massage Wednesday which was the first time I have had a hard time trying to focus on relaxing. I had to fight my mind, which was a first during a massage. My massage therapist said she could feel me relaxing then suddenly tense up during the massage. That was exactly what was happening!
With all the stress at work and in other areas of my life, it is time for an emotional catharsis. Catharsis (from the Greek κάθαρσις katharsis meaning “purification” or “cleansing”) is the purification and purgation of emotions—especially pity and fear—through art or to any extreme change in emotion that results in renewal and restoration.
I thought last night the emotions would come, they did not. Saturday, I went and got a much-needed pedicure. The pedicurist told me several times to relax. That was one of the very few times I had to be told to relax for a pedicure!! Maybe, this evening, maybe the emotions will come to the surface.
The outpouring of emotions did not come last night either. Maybe I have already mourned little by little over time. I know me and I usually have a big outburst of emotions, tears, etc. But not this time, I feel sad but not maudlin. I feel angry but not enraged. I would call it a controlled anger. I am not driven to scream, cry or eat. My sinuses are happy about the not crying part, it always messes them up for days and causes an influx of headaches.
I went to the gym again today and tried to channel whatever I was feeling or not feeling into the pedals, footpads and weights. I must not have channeled well enough or maybe I succeeded in channeling everything as I came away from the gym not feeling an excited burst of energy/accomplishment but instead feeling calm and tired.
Tomorrow I meet the trainers at 7:00 a.m. so I didn’t over-do it at the gym today since I do not know what they will have in store for me in the morning. Once I get a feel for the workouts they want me to do, I will be better able to switch up what I do on my own.
I might not have had the catharsis that I was planning on or hoping for this weekend, but my sleep/rest is better and that is one thing I was hoping to accomplish. Not going to stress out over it, in time things will happen as they are meant to happen.