This is a supplement to the May 14, 2014 Weights & Balances Newsletter
How can we over-come or cope with self-sabotage?
Here are a few suggestions to help you to become more self-aware and take the steps to overcome this limiting behavior.
Strategies for overcoming self-sabotage:
- Watch yourself; learn to recognize self-sabotage and question your behavior – see what you are doing, ask yourself “What did I do there?” “What was driving it?” Did I do that out of fear, spite, anger, needing control, craving excitement (drama) through conflict, or attention through sympathy? Be objective. Get to the root of the behavior and this might require the assistance of a professional who is either a counselor or a psychologist.
- Don’t be afraid or doubt your Success. Success isn’t hard and fast; it’s relative. Don’t’ let success feel strange or odd, practice how feeling how you think it will feel. Keep your mind thinking of possibilities. Don’t let doubt and fear come in.
- Be Yourself and Be Open – Accept experiences both good and bad don’t be afraid to get out there and experience life! It is a big world, do not limit yourself. Be aware when you are seeking approval of someone and ask yourself why you need their approval, what are you feeling.
- Stop the negative self-talk/self-judgments: This negativity will quickly sabotage your weight loss efforts. Sticks and stones may break your bones but words oh how deep and long they can scar you! Give yourself lots of positive self-affirmations. Learn to be kind, loving and forgiving to yourself.
- Set Goals with an Action Plan. Visualize you are successful and think of how you would act, the choices you would make and how you would feel. Set small clear obtainable goals with specific steps on how to get there. Look at the big picture– don’t focus on how far you have to go but how far you have come! Create and nurture a realistic vision of being successful. Develop a list of positive behaviors you can do when you feel tempted to self-sabotage. Do the work until you succeed.
- Take Responsibility/Accountability: Admit to the behavior, say it aloud, you enable yourself to change your behavior and empower yourself and take action to change the behavior. Find someone you can be accountable to for reaching or not reaching your goals; a friend, a family member or a counselor.
- Re-define Success. Challenge yourself to change your ideas of your worth; focus on effort and not outcomes. Define yourself for the loving actions you take for yourself or others; not the results of the actions.
- Bring yourself to the present: take a step back, a deep breath that will keep you focused.
- Stay silent. If you feel yourself trying to explain, justify or make an excuse, just stay silent. Take a deep breath and relax.
- Develop skills to be successful. This might require the assistance of a professional counselor/psychologist to assist you in developing these skills.
Be patient and loving with yourself as you are developing new skills. Change doesn’t happen overnight and do not think you have the problem solved. Things in life can happen to “trigger” these behaviors so be always self-aware, self-vigilant and self-forgiving.