The last month or two, I have found myself getting very hung up on the “number” on the scale. It is very frustrating to say the least. I have put myself back into weight loss mode (out of maintaining mode) trying to get to a number I want to see on the scale. I have for two weeks been very “strict” with myself and increased my physical activity. My reward? In two weeks, I am up 2.4 pounds. Talk about frustrating! But that is how weight loss rolls at times. I have found myself starting to get discouraged over the two gains in a row. I immediately started grilling myself on what I could have done “wrong” and how I can do more things “right” which isn’t all really bad. The bad part is when I start getting the feelings of being a “failure” because I “gained” and not “lost.” That is the mind shift that I am fighting from losing to maintaining and now trying to lose again. More correctly feeling like I need to lose again.
In a week, I will be going to my yearly checkup at the primary care’s office. No, I haven’t lost tons of weight since last year but the great thing is that I haven’t gained lots either! If all goes well, my weigh in at the doctor’s office might show a slight loss since last October (maybe 3-5 pounds) which isn’t a biggie at all but in the BIG picture it is great in my opinion! Because in the past when I have lost weight, within a year I started packing it on again, and often at least 20 pounds or more within the first year. So even if I should a small loss, that in itself is a HUGE victory! Even if I do not see the number on the scale that “I” want to see!
In the “big” picture the number is good, but in the ‘little’ picture in my head, I am not happy with it. I have to start asking myself why am I not happy with it? What is pushing/driving me to want to change the number? I know I have had to “reset” some of my thinking but my brain is fighting hard at times! I have to admit I am not feeling bad, my clothes are fitting fine, but I want to lose a few “extra” before I go on vacation. I want a little extra “wiggle” room to enjoy but not over enjoy!