One Saturday morning, part art of me wanted to avoid weighing in at the weekly Weight Watchers Meeting. I suspected I was over goal but then I knew I needed to “face the music” and own what I had done. It was time to begin ‘undoing’ what I had done. I have been paying weekly again for a month and it is not something I intend continuing for much longer. Funny how 2.8 pounds can be gained in a week but it takes a month or so to get it off!
I started writing this entry (paragraph above) in early June and here it is July and I am still paying but only .4 from being “free” again. My body is fighting me, but I am fighting harder and more consistently now! I will get back to where I need to be! This has been a major disappointment for me and I have had to stop my toxic thinking and get back on track.
Back in February I had penned an entry about diet fatigue and that was coming from my heart. And I had a hard time fighting out of that rut but feel I am back 100% writing and feeling good about my direction.
I did not feel very good about my direction back in late May/June. I felt like a total failure as I had gained over two pounds (3.8 lbs. to be exact) above my goal and had to return to paying again. I felt so bad and humiliated and embarrassed that I had let this happen. The one positive thing I can say about this is that it bothered me to be 3.8 pounds over goal and I did not let it get to a much larger number. I know this thinking stems from my old perfectionist thinking and I had to squish this quickly. That old toxic thinking pattern could have easily gotten me to give up and I could be sitting here with 38 pounds over goal instead of being a point four from the free window.
It took me getting back to writing to get my head back on straight. I saw through my writing that I was choosing to blame externals for what I was not doing; I let excuses get in my way! That is so easy to have happen! I have been reminded of my favorite saying through my journey. “Never trade what you want at the moment for the thing that you want the most.” This applies to anything that is getting in our way of accomplishing whatever we are seeking to accomplish in our lives and not just weight loss! Taking the “easy” way out is a very bad habit. We need to banish this habit from our lives in every aspect period!