I might not be sporting a new sparkling diamond today, or have an expensive dinner date, stacks of boxes of chocolates, bags of Victoria’s Secrets or dozens of lovely roses on my desk today at work, but I have something I did not have a year ago, I love myself and have a great pride in who I am and what I have accomplished!
Let me explain.
A friend of mine was celebrating her birthday last March 2013 and a photographer at the party captured me in a few pictures much to my dismay and absolute disdain. When I saw the pictures, I was horrified and I begged my friend to not post them on her Facebook page! She looked wonderful in her pictures but I just wanted to bury the ones I was in. It was her celebration and I had a marvelous time but—-when I saw those pictures after the party, I was extremely embarrassed and felt humiliated at how badly I looked in those photos. Asking her to not post those pictures, I now see I was trying my best to pretend they didn’t exist and I was trying hard to hide and become totally invisible! look back and see where that came from, I didn’t accept nor love myself. I was working on the outside but I still wasn’t even being nice to myself on the inside.
At the time the pictures were taken, March 2013, I had been doing Weight Watchers just a couple of months and I had lost 13.6 lbs. I remember thinking how totally horrible I looked and I didn’t want anyone to see me looking so bad. I told myself all kinds of negative things even though I knew I was working on things. The pictures did remind me how far I still had to go! I didn’t let those pictures discourage me; I kept pushing, pushing harder and harder to reach my goal! I am glad I looked beyond those pictures and kept moving forward!
My friend sent those pictures to me today, yes on Valentine’s Day, with a note telling me how awesome I look, how wonderful I have been doing (on Weight Watchers) and how proud she is of me and my accomplishments. I sent her a note back and thanked her for sending them to me! I feel these photos are excellent reminders of where I was a year ago! These photos are almost “before” pictures since I had lost the first 13.6 lbs of my journey and had managed to avoid the camera at most any cost!
I am happy and proud to share them with you today, because I now weigh 94 lbs less and feel physically so much better! I love the person in those pictures more today than I did this time last year. Her determination and focus has gotten me to where I am today and will continue to help move me on to my goal which is about 27 lbs away now! While I do not “love” the camera yet, I hope I become less stressed about being photographed in the near future! I am trying to be “kinder” to myself on the inside as well.
Don’t hide from your past; it was your path to the present and doorway to the future!